If you brush off praise or say thank you too much, it may point to deeper issues
Someone holds the door for you, and you thank them—twice, maybe three times. A coworker praises your work, and you wave it off with a joke or a self-deprecating comment. These habits might look like good manners, but for many, they’re more than that. According to psychologist Silvia Severino, who’s gained a following on TikTok for her insights into everyday emotional patterns, these reflexes can be subtle signs of unresolved trauma or chronic self-doubt.
Severino points out that people who over-thank or can’t accept compliments often grew up in environments where positive attention felt conditional or even risky. If you learned early that kindness had strings attached, or that praise was rare and fleeting, you might now feel uneasy when someone offers genuine appreciation. The urge to repay every kindness or to deflect every compliment isn’t just humility—it’s a learned defense, a way to manage discomfort that’s rooted in past experience.
In her viral videos, Severino lists several behaviors that can hint at deeper emotional wounds: compulsive apologizing, blank spots in childhood memory, never asking for help, and, notably, the inability to accept positive feedback. She argues that these aren’t just quirks. They’re often the residue of growing up in families where affection was scarce, criticism was constant, or trust was fragile. For some, the idea of receiving without earning it triggers guilt or suspicion, as if every good thing must be paid back or explained away.
Patterns That Go Deeper
Research backs up Severino’s observations. As Top Santé reports, adults who minimize their achievements or feel uncomfortable with praise often have a history of emotional neglect or inconsistent validation. If you rarely heard “good job” as a child, you may now struggle to believe compliments are sincere—or that you deserve them at all. This pattern can be especially strong in families where success was expected but never celebrated, or where affection was tied to performance.
For some, the discomfort runs even deeper. Survivors of emotional abuse, bullying, or gaslighting may experience physical tension or even panic when singled out for praise. The body remembers: if positive attention once preceded criticism or manipulation, it’s no wonder that compliments now feel like a setup. Psychologists writing for Psychology Today note that people with trauma, depression, or imposter syndrome often find praise incompatible with their self-image. The result is a reflex to dodge, downplay, or outright reject positive feedback.
When to Worry
Not everyone who shrugs off a compliment is carrying trauma. But when these behaviors cluster—constant apologizing, blank memory patches, chronic self-doubt, and a refusal to ask for help—they can signal a deeper problem. According to Top Santé, these patterns often trace back to childhoods marked by high expectations and low warmth, where love was conditional and mistakes were magnified. Over time, the habit of rejecting praise becomes a form of self-protection, a way to avoid disappointment or criticism.
Therapists recommend small, steady steps to break the cycle. Practice saying a simple “thank you” without explanation. Keep a daily log of compliments and small wins, even if they feel unearned. Notice the inner voice that insists you don’t deserve kindness, and challenge it gently. For those whose discomfort with praise triggers anxiety or shame, trauma-focused therapies like EMDR or cognitive behavioral therapy can help untangle the old associations and build new, healthier responses.
Building New Habits
Learning to accept compliments isn’t about becoming arrogant or fishing for praise. It’s about recognizing that positive feedback is a normal part of human connection—not a trap or a debt to repay. For many, this shift takes time and support. Therapy can help, but so can honest conversations with friends or partners about what feels hard and why. The goal isn’t to erase old habits overnight, but to loosen their grip and make room for new ways of relating to yourself and others.
As with any pattern rooted in early experience, change is gradual. But each time you accept a compliment without apology, you’re practicing a new kind of trust—in others, and in yourself.
Trauma-focused therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are increasingly used to address the lingering effects of childhood emotional wounds. These approaches help people process memories that fuel self-doubt and defensive habits, making it easier to accept kindness and build self-worth. Cognitive behavioral therapy can also be effective, especially for those struggling with imposter syndrome or chronic self-criticism. Both methods focus on changing the internal scripts that keep people stuck in old patterns, offering practical tools for building healthier relationships with praise, achievement, and self-acceptance.
