Many adults confuse networking with real friendship, but research shows that only non-transactional bonds protect against loneliness, burnout, and emotional instability
Being called “useless” by a Harvard professor might sting, but Arthur C. Brooks insists it’s the highest praise when it comes to friendship. Brooks, who teaches at Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, argues that the friends who truly anchor us are the ones who serve no practical purpose in our careers or ambitions. These “useless friends”—a term he uses deliberately—are not there to boost your status or open doors. They’re the ones who stay when everything else falls away.
Brooks’s point, as reported by El Confidencial, is that genuine friends are “useless” in the utilitarian sense. Like family, they care about who you are, not what you can offer. In a world obsessed with LinkedIn connections and professional networking, it’s a jarring idea. But it raises a real question: if your job, influence, or social standing disappeared, who would still show up for you?
What Makes a Friend “Useless”
The label comes from utilitarian thinking—the subtle calculations we make about what others can do for us. A “useless” friend, in Brooks’s sense, is someone who sticks around even if you lose your title or your leverage. At the Leadership and Happiness Laboratory at Harvard, Brooks teaches that lasting happiness depends on three things: pleasure, satisfaction, and meaning. “Useless” friends feed all three. They bring simple joy, celebrate your wins without envy, and give meaning to hard times. Their loyalty isn’t tied to your paycheck or your résumé.
Contrast that with what Brooks calls “contract friends”—the ones who enter your life through shared interests, industries, or goals. These relationships can be helpful, but they’re fragile. When the shared benefit fades, so does the connection. The “useless” friend, by contrast, is the one who remains when the rest of your network evaporates.
Spotting the Real Thing
Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, has shown that the quality—not the quantity—of close relationships predicts health and longevity. To identify a “useless” friend in your life, ask yourself: Can you drop the mask and be yourself? Would you call them at 2 a.m. in a crisis? Are you afraid they’d leave if you lost your job? Do you feel pressure to impress them? Do you share ordinary moments, not just highlight reels? When you help each other, does it feel natural, not transactional?
These questions cut through the noise of modern social life. As research on social connection shows, your brain is wired to value a handful of close, reliable friends—especially when stress hits or you need real support. Most people have far fewer of these bonds than they think.
How “Useless” Friends Protect Your Well-Being
Brooks argues that a small circle of people who offer unconditional support creates emotional stability. Knowing someone sees you as a whole person, not a job title, softens the blows of daily life—job loss, divorce, illness. These friendships complement other pillars of well-being, like family and spiritual practice, whether that means meditation, faith, or simply reading for meaning.
Maintaining these “useless” friendships doesn’t require grand gestures. It’s about consistency and honesty: sending a text for no reason, inviting someone for coffee just to check in, letting your guard down instead of pretending everything’s fine. Telling a friend, “I don’t need you to succeed, but I want you in my life,” captures Brooks’s core idea. In a culture obsessed with usefulness, these relationships may be your most valuable asset.
According to Psytheater.com, the distinction between transactional and non-transactional relationships is more than semantics—it shapes how we experience stress, resilience, and even physical health. Studies have found that people with at least one close, non-instrumental friend report lower rates of depression and anxiety, and recover faster from setbacks. The CDC notes that social isolation is linked to a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke, underscoring the real-world impact of authentic connection.
Attachment theory, a core concept in psychology, helps explain why these bonds matter. Secure attachment in adulthood often mirrors the unconditional support found in “useless” friendships. Unlike relationships built on mutual benefit, these ties foster trust, vulnerability, and emotional safety. Therapists often encourage clients to nurture such connections as a buffer against stress and a foundation for long-term well-being.
