After Anastasia took charge of a department she already knew, former colleagues began treating her as management. Psychotherapist Maksim Pestov explains why authority reshapes workplace ties and how new connections can help.
Anastasia’s new role gave her influence over former colleagues’ evaluations. She could also affect their bonuses and time off.
The 36-year-old had expected to lead people she knew well. Instead, former colleagues began keeping their distance, and she felt out of place among both her old team and other managers.
Her colleagues joke that she is now on the other side of the divide. That distance does not necessarily mean they have stopped liking her. Psychotherapist Maksim Pestov says the change is practical as well as personal. He is a certified Gestalt therapist and a supervisor. He is also an associate trainer at the Moscow Gestalt Institute.
Before the promotion, colleagues could speak as equals, including about management. Now, a candid remark to Anastasia may feel risky because she has decision-making power. Even if she intends to treat everyone fairly, the imbalance is real. In his guide to a first management role, Nick Roud describes a new manager as caught between worlds: no longer simply part of the team, but not yet settled in the leadership circle. The job brings responsibility for delegation. It also means giving feedback and having difficult conversations with people who were once peers.
The loneliness does not prove Anastasia has failed as a manager. It can come with leaving a familiar role before new relationships have taken shape. Roud notes that a new manager can no longer vent freely to former colleagues or share every pressure the job brings.
Gallup figures cited in workplace coverage show that managers’ global engagement fell from 31% in 2022 to 22% in 2025. That year, 45% of managers reported daily stress, compared with 39% of individual contributors.
Trying to prove she is “still the same” may keep Anastasia chasing a workplace dynamic that no longer fits. Pestov advises accepting that the old relationships cannot simply be restored and making room for the new role. That does not mean becoming cold or distant. Former peers may remain warm while sharing less freely than they once did.
A separate, confidential source of support can give a new manager room to discuss pressures she cannot raise openly with direct reports. That support might come from a mentor or coach. A trusted colleague at a similar level can fill the same role.
Friendliness and equal footing are different things. A manager can remain approachable, yet employees may still weigh their words when the person listening has authority over their working conditions. Pressing for the old level of openness could strain both sides rather than rebuild trust. Workplace belonging also depends on people feeling noticed and having their contributions affirmed. It matters, too, that they know their work is needed, workplace researcher Zach Mercurio explains in a Catalyst interview.
Workplace relationships can also be shaped by pressure to appear agreeable. A related workplace discussion examines that strain. Anastasia faces a different pressure: adjusting to the authority her new position carries.
Pestov suggests that Anastasia get to know managers from other departments. Those ties can connect her with people who are also working in leadership roles, while she and her former colleagues gradually find a different balance. The new dynamic can leave room for warmth while acknowledging the authority gap.
