After a long day at work, do you find your mind racing with thoughts of dinner plans, upcoming appointments, and family birthdays—while everyone else at home seems to pitch in only when asked? If so, you may be experiencing what researchers now call the invisible mental load. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Business and Psychology found that this hidden labor can take a serious toll on both health and relationships, and it identified three clear signs that you might be shouldering most of the household burden.
The study, titled “Who’s Remembering to Buy the Eggs? The Meaning, Measurement, and Implications of Invisible Family Load,” breaks down mental load into three categories: managerial (planning and coordinating), cognitive (constantly thinking about what needs to be done), and emotional (caring about everyone’s well-being). When these findings are compared with data from France’s National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies and the National Institute for Demographic Studies—which show that about three-quarters of women in relationships report carrying most of this load—the three signs also highlight a very real gender gap.
1. Managerial Load: You’re the one who schedules appointments, plans meals, handles school sign-ups, and organizes vacations. Even if your partner does chores like washing dishes or vacuuming, it’s often because you asked or assigned the task. Researchers describe a dynamic where one partner slows down to observe and direct what needs to be done, while the other simply follows instructions—fueling frustration and a sense of unfairness.
2. Cognitive Load: Your brain is always running through a mental checklist—bills, groceries, laundry, upcoming birthdays. Even when you try to relax, you’re still planning ahead. 3. Emotional Load: You monitor everyone’s moods and step in to prevent conflicts. According to the 2023 study, this emotional aspect is most closely linked to exhaustion, sleep problems, and lower satisfaction at work and at home.
Research from the National Institute for Demographic Studies shows that about 75% of women in relationships say they handle most of the mental load at home—a number that rises after having children. This echoes the message in Emma’s comic “Fallait demander”: the one who thinks of everything is often her.
To make this invisible load visible, experts suggest writing down all household tasks and asking: Who organizes? Who remembers? Who truly worries about each one? Dividing up entire areas of responsibility, rather than having one person coordinate everything, can help. If exhaustion continues, seeking help from a doctor or couples therapist may be necessary.
