When someone constantly flips every criticism back onto you, it’s easy to start doubting your own judgment. Manipulators—often charming on the surface—use guilt and victimhood to gain the upper hand in relationships, whether romantic, friendly, or professional. But according to psychotherapist Isabelle Nazare-Aga, author of the bestseller Les manipulateurs sont parmi nous, there’s a simple three-word phrase that can break this cycle and force the manipulator to confront their own contradictions.
Nazare-Aga recommends responding to manipulative behavior with a mirror question: “À votre avis ?” (“What do you think?”). This phrase, she explains, is effective because it gently turns one of the manipulator’s favorite tactics back on them—without aggression or escalation. The goal is to regain control of the conversation without getting drawn into a power struggle.
Manipulators, Nazare-Aga notes, are focused on achieving their own goals at others’ expense, often by making you feel guilty or inadequate. When you challenge their behavior, they may sow doubt, mock your concerns, or even accuse you in return. By calmly replying, “À votre avis ?”, you refuse to play their game. You return the question without justifying yourself, creating a powerful mirror effect.
This approach works because manipulators often use similar evasive responses to make you feel your questions are absurd. Turning the tactic around forces them to confront their own behavior. As Nazare-Aga puts it, the manipulator is compelled to reveal their own thinking, rather than hiding behind ambiguity. This shift can make them uncomfortable and disrupt their usual patterns.
If the manipulator presses for your opinion or tries to dodge again, Nazare-Aga suggests a follow-up: “J’ai le mien, mais c’est le vôtre qui m’intéresse !” (“I have my own, but I’m interested in yours!”). This polite clarification pushes the manipulator to state their position clearly—something they typically avoid to maintain control and confusion. By insisting on clarity, you move the conversation onto firmer ground, where every word counts.
This form of counter-manipulation reverses the dynamic. Suddenly, the questioner becomes the questioned. The manipulator loses their advantage, unable to hide behind hints or innuendo. Meanwhile, you gain time to observe, assess the health of the relationship, and decide how far you want to continue the discussion.
In everyday life, this technique can be used with an ex who blames you for everything without specifics, a coworker who makes vague criticisms in meetings, or a friend who tries to guilt-trip you. The key is to keep your tone calm and neutral—no sarcasm or anger. Taking a breath before responding helps prevent emotional reactions from taking over.
It’s important to note that this isn’t a magic solution, especially in situations of severe control or abuse. If every conversation turns hostile or you fear the other person’s reactions, seeking outside support is more important than winning a verbal exchange. “À votre avis ?” is a tool to test how someone reacts when confronted—and, if necessary, to confirm when it’s time to step back.
Source: Aufeminin
