“I don’t have emotions. I’m just a rational person.” If you work with executives, engineers, or finance leaders, you’ve probably heard some version of this. It’s often said with a calm, matter-of-fact tone—sometimes even as a badge of honor. But according to Psytheater.com, this isn’t a personality trait. It’s a measurable state called alexithymia, and it’s far more common among high-performing professionals than most realize.
Roughly 10% of people struggle to identify their own emotions. In fields that reward logic and suppress open emotional expression—think medicine, engineering, corporate finance, and tech—the rates are even higher. The pattern is so consistent that it’s become a quiet epidemic among leaders who pride themselves on “cold logic.”
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What Alexithymia Really Is
Alexithymia isn’t a buzzword. The term was coined in 1973 by psychiatrist Peter Sifneos to describe patients with severe psychosomatic illnesses who couldn’t talk about their feelings, even when their bodies were screaming for help. Today, it’s measured by the Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20), which looks at three factors: trouble identifying feelings, trouble describing them, and a focus on external facts over internal states.
Neuroscience shows that alexithymia is a disconnect between the limbic system (where emotions start) and the prefrontal cortex (where we become aware of them). The body reacts—heart rate spikes, muscles tense, stress hormones surge—but the mind can’t label what’s happening. It’s like having a library with no catalog: all the books are there, but you can’t find what you need.
Why It Hits Leaders Hard
Alexithymia clusters in certain professions for three reasons. First, self-selection: people who naturally suppress emotion gravitate toward jobs that reward it. Second, professional conditioning: years in environments where “emotions get in the way” dull the ability to notice or name feelings. Third, career reinforcement: the higher you climb, the more you’re rewarded for being “unflappable.” Over time, this creates a feedback loop. By midlife, many successful leaders have lost touch with their emotional signals—often without realizing it.
Inside these circles, this style is seen as normal. But the costs are real, and they show up in decision-making, team dynamics, and health.
Risks for Decisions, Teams, and Health
First, decision quality suffers. Research by Antonio Damasio and others shows that emotions aren’t the enemy of logic—they’re essential to it. People with impaired emotional awareness get stuck weighing options endlessly, miss warning signs, and make choices that look rational on paper but fail in real life. They can’t use emotional “markers” to quickly rule out bad options or sense when something’s off.
Second, team relationships break down. Leaders with alexithymia often hear feedback like, “I never know what you’re thinking,” or “You’re emotionally distant.” This isn’t about being cold-hearted; it’s about a blocked channel. These leaders struggle to read others’ emotions and rarely express their own, making it hard for teams to connect or feel motivated. In matrixed organizations or creative fields, this can quietly drive away top talent.
Third, health takes a hit. Unnamed, unprocessed emotions don’t disappear—they go into the body. Studies link alexithymia to chronic pain, migraines, insomnia, and even higher rates of heart attack and stroke. The typical arc: a leader excels in their 30s, starts having unexplained physical symptoms in their 40s, and faces serious diagnoses or depression by their 50s. Doctors call it “stress,” but the root is often years of emotional suppression.
Spotting the Pattern
How do you know if this is you? If you answer “nothing” or “I don’t know” when asked how you feel, describe your state only in physical or cognitive terms (“tired,” “this is inefficient”), or get told by loved ones that you’re distant or unemotional, it’s worth paying attention. If you’ve read books on emotional intelligence but nothing sticks, or if you have unexplained physical symptoms, you may be in this group. Being praised for your “cool head” at work can be a warning sign, not just a compliment.
What Actually Helps
Alexithymia isn’t a life sentence. It’s a skill gap, not a character flaw. But change is slow. The first step is taking the TAS-20 scale (it’s free online) to get a sense of where you stand. If your score is high, look for a therapist who specializes in somatic or gestalt approaches—standard talk therapy often isn’t enough. If you have physical symptoms, see a doctor in parallel. For depression, anxiety, or trauma, a psychiatrist may be needed alongside therapy. Real progress takes six months to two years, not a weekend workshop. Quick-fix trainings or books on emotional intelligence rarely help at this stage and can make things worse by fueling shame or frustration.
What Happens If You Ignore It
Left unaddressed, alexithymia tends to end in one of three places by your 50s: a major health crisis, severe depression, or a life-altering upheaval like divorce, quitting, or moving away. Each is the result of years spent ignoring a fixable problem. The work is much easier—and cheaper—at 40 than at 55.
“I’m just rational” isn’t a virtue. It’s a warning sign. The good news: regaining access to your emotions doesn’t make you weaker. It makes you a better leader, a more connected partner, and a healthier person. The energy you spent holding everything in comes back into your life.
Alexithymia is a central focus in modern psychotherapy, especially for clients who present with chronic physical symptoms or persistent relationship issues. Therapists trained in somatic experiencing or gestalt methods often help clients build the bridge between bodily sensations and emotional awareness. This work is slow but transformative, and it’s increasingly recognized as essential for long-term well-being in high-pressure careers.
