At most after-work gatherings, conversations rarely go beyond the weather or work updates before awkward silence sets in. But Chris Schembra, a relationship expert who has hosted more than 770 dinners with Fortune 500 leaders and strangers alike, has noticed that people with high emotional intelligence do things differently. Instead of trying to impress, they focus on making space for others. Just a few well-chosen words can turn small talk into a meaningful exchange.
Chris Schembra, founder of the 7:47 Gratitude Experience, explains that the top priority for emotionally intelligent people is to ensure their conversation partner feels seen and understood. Through his observations, he identified eight types of simple, often uplifting phrases that these individuals use repeatedly. Here’s how you can adapt them in French for both work and personal life.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman defines emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize and manage your own emotions, motivate yourself, understand others, and build strong relationships. The micro-phrases highlighted by Schembra activate three main skills: emotional validation, genuine curiosity, and gratitude. He notes that people with high emotional intelligence value curiosity, often asking open-ended questions to truly understand how others think and feel.
Schembra’s dinners serve as a living laboratory, bringing together executives and strangers to foster gratitude and belonging. Alongside organizational expert Michael O’Brien, creator of the Appreciative Inquiry framework, Schembra emphasizes questions that help people focus on what’s already working. Shifting the conversation from problems to resources can completely change the dynamic.
Here are eight emotionally intelligent phrases to try: First, validate what matters to the other person—”On dirait que ce sujet compte pour toi” (It seems this topic matters to you) puts words to their priorities. Second, name positive nonverbal cues, like “Tu as les yeux qui brillent quand tu parles de ça” (Your eyes light up when you talk about this). Third, appreciate their thinking: “Ta question est intéressante” (That’s an interesting question). And when you’re unsure, Schembra suggests honestly saying “Je ne sais pas” (I don’t know).
Other phrases steer the conversation toward concrete positives. Instead of “How was your day?”, try “Qu’est-ce qui t’a fait sourire aujourd’hui ?” (What made you smile today?), which prompts a specific, positive memory. In the spirit of Appreciative Inquiry, Michael O’Brien recommends asking about “what’s working well right now” for the person or their team. Finally, Schembra’s mentor Felipe Gomez returns to the simple but powerful “Dis-m’en plus” (Tell me more).
The easiest way to use these phrases is to pick two or three that feel natural to you and weave them into conversations when the moment feels right.
